It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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