He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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