She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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