Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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