Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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