I want to stick my p in your. b.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
