I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
