Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
