I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
