i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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