Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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