I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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