I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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