Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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