remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Vodka?
Forever.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
