Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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