And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
