Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
