Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
