i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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