I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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