So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
