there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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