You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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