Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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