Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just threw up on my dentist
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
