What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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