aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
