K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize