Someone shit on the floor
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
