Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
