Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
