Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
