sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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