That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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