I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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