you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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