Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
