It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
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Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
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I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
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