You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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