If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
too bad you live with your parents still
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
