That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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