I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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