The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
