We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
