this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
one might say we're banned from that church
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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