While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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