CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
