I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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