Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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