Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
