I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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