dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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