I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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