her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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