Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
