Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
