she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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