How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
