Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
