I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
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We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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