I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
