You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
