We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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