I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
