I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
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I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
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Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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