my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
