How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
