Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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