oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
