Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
