Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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