Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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