Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I met the friendliest cop last night
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
