She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
