And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
