wanna go halves on a baby?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
