Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
bring money and cleavage
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
