1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
