Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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