I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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