Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
