Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
