Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
