I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
