when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
