im having a threesome with these popsicles
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
