It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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