I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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