Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
