I'm so fucking centered right now
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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